When it comes to French-English translation, it helps to know whether you want a guacamole ingredient or a lawyer.

Take the use the French word avocat, which which can mean either avocado or lawyer, according to Daniel Vincent of Gatineau's Language Technology Research Centre.

You need to put the word in context in a sentence and compare it to many similar translations to get a lawyer to take your case instead of an avocado.

Mr. Vincent says new software being developed at the research centre at the Universite du Quebec en Outaouais should be more accurate than familiar Internet translation sites such as Google and Bablefish.com, because it will use statistical methods instead of grammar rules and literal translations.

You can't just take your favourite novel in any language, plug it into an Internet translator and come up with a quick English edition.

The Google search engine's translator and Babblefish.com can can turn French, German, Italian, Spanish and Portuguese phrases into English, and vice-versa.

But when you type some common Quebecois phrases into Internet language translators, the results can tickle your funny bone.

Fiche-moi la paix (leave me alone) becomes card-index me to peace or do me peace. Depanneur, a common term for corner store, is translated as break-down mechanic or depannerur.

Lait frappe or milkshake is struck milk and milk knocks. C'est le bordel (it's chaos!) becomes it's a brothel or it's the brothel. J'ai poigne un flat dans mon char (my car has a flat tire) pops up as I have sting a flat in my tank and I have a flat in my tank dawns.
© The Ottawa Citizen 2007